


How Am I Alone When I Have You?

by fireflies_in_the_moonlight



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Captain Ennoshita Chikara, Frienshipsssssss, HF, Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, I don't tag guys, I left it vague, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, The First Years are Second Years Now, Tsukishima is misinterpreting things, Why would I do that, btw the third years graduated, i cri everytime i think about it, idk - Freeform, idk im tired guys i rushed through hw to finish this, kind of ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 08:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12207198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflies_in_the_moonlight/pseuds/fireflies_in_the_moonlight
Summary: Tsukishima gets hanahaki disease for Kageyama.Bless the poor boy.





	How Am I Alone When I Have You?

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Tsuki, my namesake, Moony, French Fry, etc. Here's some angst as a gift from me.

0+0+0+0

Tsukishima was so screwed. I mean, really, out of the people it could be, it had to be Kageyama? Yamaguchi, he could understand, maybe even Hinata, but Kageyama?

Honestly, what did he expect? The world was personally giving the middle finger for being an emotionless asshole by giving him emotions for someone that he was an absolute asshole to. And the cherry on top this absolute shit fest? Tsukishima was coughing up purple flowers.

That's how he knew it wasn't for Yamaguchi or Hinata. He had recognized the flowers as Kageyama’s favorite. He laughed bitterly when he realized that he actually knew what Kageyama’s favorite flower was. He had fallen so deep, and he hadn't even realized he fell in the first place.

0+0+0+0

_I acted like it wasn't a big deal, when really it was breaking my heart. -Anonymous_

0+0+0+0

Going to school was a hassle. Focusing on the lesson was near impossible when all Tsukishima thought of was the itchy feeling in his throat.

During the break, he snuck off to the restroom to at least try and relieve his throat. He hacked and coughed up blood-stained purple petals, but that only seemed to make it worse. He flushed the petals down the toilet, and headed back to the classroom. Yamaguchi asked him where he went and he simply replied with a, “restroom.”

Volleyball practice was worse. Unlike volleyball, he didn't have to deal with Kageyama in his classes. Actually, he might’ve liked Kageyama more in class because at least he wasn't sweating.

Kei tried to keep his eyes from roaming, but, honestly, it was like after he found out about the flowers, he was more aware of Kageyama. He noticed that every time the blue-eyed setter jumped, his shorts traveled up just a little bit to show off more leg. It only made his throat tighten. He noticed how the setter’s eyes lit up when Hinata hit one of sets, how his mouth curved into a little smile, and how absolutely kissable his lips were.

He played it off, pretended he wasn't watching the setter a bit too closely, pretended that he really didn't need to cough. Tsukishima was decent at best, but nowhere near as good as he would've been if he had just stopped staring. Ennoshita- their new captain- had repeatedly asked if Tsukishima was okay, and every time he answered that he just wasn't feeling well today. It wasn't a total lie, at least.

Practice dragged on, and Tsukishima noticed a lot of things he hadn't before. Like how Kageyama’s eyes would travel to him every so often. But then, they would travel back to Hinata, every single time. He noticed how the setter seemed to have a bias towards the ginger when it comes to setting. And it hurt to notice.

(He thought that maybe he knew all along, but just pushed it to the corners of his mind to be ignored.)

After practice, Tsukishima was so unbelievably tired, he just wanted to skip their nightly ritual of getting pork buns with the team, including the new first years. He thought better of it, though. People would get suspicious if he didn't join.

He soon regretted his decision when Kageyama approached him. “Oi, what's with you today? You weren't playing at your best,” Kageyama asked.

It wasn't as harsh as it might've sounded in their first year, but it was still harsh. Tsukishima knew he meant well, though, and the thought just made it hard to breathe.

”Some of us don't have an insane immune system like you, King. I'm just not feeling good.”

Kageyama just nodded. That's another thing that changed about Kageyama since his first year. He's become more considerate and understands that not everyone is like him. And he doesn't really mind the title King anymore, now that this very team redefined what it meant to be king for him. Tsukishima coughed all of a sudden, and he momentarily panicked as he reached up to cover his mouth. It was… a really bad coughing fit and when it finally stopped, everyone was staring at him. His hand clenched the flowers petals, hiding them from their view.

“Tsukishima, you okay?” Narita asked.

He waved off their concern with his free hand. “Nothing. I just need to rest.” That seemed to get everyone’s attention off of him. Well, all except Yamaguchi’s, but that was to be expected.

As they neared the Sakanoshita store, Kageyama ran off towards Hinata as they did their daily race. Tsukishima coughed a bit when he did, but not as badly as before. He tucked the hand with the petals in his pocket when Yamaguchi slowed down to talk to him.

”Tsuki, what's going on? You don't usually get sick,” Yamaguchi whispered, as to not be heard by the team.

“Nothing. I just haven't been sleeping well,” he fibbed. His eyes wandered back to where Kageyama and Hinata stood yelling at each other, fighting over something stupid probably. His throat felt itchy again.

Yamaguchi’s eyes narrowed, but he left the subject alone, knowing that he didn't want to tell him. At least, not yet.

When he got home, he flushed the purple flower petals down the toilet before falling into his bed. He was exhausted. So, so exhausted. Seeing Kageyama with Hinata all the time, arguing like an old married couple, made it hard to breath, like vines were tightening around his lungs. He would have to search it up later.

(He didn't. Why? Because if he's being perfectly honest, he's scared. He just tells himself it’ll go away.)

(It doesn't, and he knew that it wouldn't have.) 

0+0+0+0

It's been a month since he started coughing up flowers, and Tsukishima has been steadily losing more weight. He hasn't been eating well because he feels like it would just suffocate him if anything went down his throat. He hides his coughs as best he can, but it's just been getting worse and harder to hide. Instead of just petals, whole flowers are starting to come out, making the flowers recognizable as purple heathers.

Yamaguchi was the first to find out about it. Of course he was, he knew everything about Kei. Kei was sleeping in that day- it was a rare day with no practice- and Yamaguchi invited himself over. It happened occasionally, but Kei wasn't prepared for it this time.

He was woken up by violent shaking, and when he opened eyes, about to ask what’s wrong before stopping himself when he saw Yamaguchi, with tears streaming down his face. In the hand that wasn't on Tsukishima’s shoulder was the trashcan that he kept in his room, filled with blood-stained flowers, small and purple.

”How long?” Tadashi croaked, voice cracking. “How long have you kept this from everyone?”

Kei didn't know how to answer, the only noise in the room being Tadashi’s quiet hiccups and sniffles. He didn't mean for him to find out this way, but what's done is done.

“...A month.” His best friend let out a small strangled sound before letting go of the trash can and hugging him. Tight.

“I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know it was this,” Yamaguchi whispered.

The brunette untangled himself from the blonde when he stopped crying. He scrutinized Kei, and Kei already knew he saw through him. ”You don't even know what’s so bad about this, Tsuki,” Yamaguchi huffed.

”I know enough.”

”No, you don't!” Yamaguchi snapped. “Did you know you can die from it or that if you get surgically removed that all your feelings will go away?!”

Tsukishima didn't know. He didn't want to know so he didn't search it up. He knew of the hanahaki disease and how it was caused by unrequited love, but he never heard what happens in the end. But now he knew. And he was scared out of his mind because there was no way that Kageyama could love someone like Tsukishima.

Tsukishima was everything Kageyama hated, wasn't he? He picked on people, he didn't give anything his all, and, frankly, he was an asshole. It was suddenly getting hard to breathe again and his eyes were getting watery.

”E-eh? Tsuki?!”

All Tsukishima could think of was of how utterly messed up this was. Kageyama would never like him back, so the logical solution was to have surgery. He didn't want that, though. He didn't want to forget what it was like to like someone in a romantic way; chances are that he'll never feel that way again.

0+0+0+0

After he made Yamaguchi swear not to tell anyone, he started avoiding Yamaguchi. Knowing him, he'd try to find out who was the cause of this and try to play matchmaker.

When Yamaguchi tried to talk to him in class, Tsukishima would pretend like he didn't notice. He knew that it hurt Yamaguchi- it certainly hurt Kei to do so- but what Tsukishima needed right now was quiet. No questions, just quiet.

The team was starting to notice the strain between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi after only two days. Apparently, it had gotten so bad that Hinata and Kageyama had to ask about it a day later.

When Hinata asked, he could shrug it off and say it was just a small fight. He would've believed it. He thought it would be the same with Kageyama, but oddly enough, it wasn't.

”What's going with you and Yamaguchi?” Kageyama asked. It was after practice and, as always, they were headed to the convenience store for meat buns when Kageyama approached him.

”Nothing.”

Kageyama’s eyes narrowed. “That might work on the dumbass, but I know something’s up.”

If Tsukishima didn't know any better, he would've thought that Kageyama might've actually cared more than a friend would. But he knew that he didn't, so all that happened was a tightening of chest and an insane need to cough up the flowers in his throat.

”Whatever it is, get yourself together before Interhigh. We need you at your best,” Kageyama said when Tsukishima didn't answer.

Ah. Right. He was just a somewhat talented middle blocker to Kageyama. He coughed a bit, but stopped himself before he went into a full-blown coughing fit. He only had a feeling that this would be worse the next day.

0+0+0+0

Of course it got worse. That's what it does. In a week, there’s more blood, whole flower stems, and less eating. And since the world hated him, migraines were included into the mix a few days later. It's a miracle he's still able to think coherently and play volleyball. It probably shouldn’t have developed this quickly, but he was just around Kageyama all the time. Volleyball practice took up more time in his life than anything else, and where there's a volleyball, there's Kageyama.

Interhigh was in a week, and everyone was working hard. By some cruel twist of fate, he had been partnered up with Kageyama to practice spiking. Tsukishima was tired. He constantly needed to cough, even without Kageyama near, so that feeling was just amplified when he was actually near. He was sweating more than usual and it was getting a little too hard to breathe.

”Oi, Tsukishima, you don't look so good,” the setter said, sounding a bit concerned. He could've just been imagining it, though. Since when has anyone besides Yamaguchi and his family care about his well-being?

Instead of dwelling on it, he just replied, “Just give me another toss.”

The ravenette hesitated, but eventually gave in. Maybe he shouldn't have because when Tsukishima’s feet hit the ground after a successful spike, the room started to spin. The small migraine that he had been ignoring suddenly felt like vines were squeezing his brain. He winced when he also felt the horrible itch in the back of his throat somehow get worse. He coughed. That seemed to be all his body could take anymore because his knees buckled and then he was falling.

Someone had called out his name. No, several people had called out his name. Only one person caught him, though. If he had the energy to open his eyes, he would've seen who caught him. He didn't have the strength, though, so he let the warmth of the person’s strong arms envelope him as he blacked out.

0+0+0+0

When he woke up again, he was in a white room, a heart monitor beeping quietly. He felt a needle inserted in his elbow, probably an IV.

He couldn't make out a lot of the room since he didn't have his glasses, but it was dark. He assumed it was pretty late in the night since he passed out only an hour into practice and he couldn't have possibly woken up only a couple hours after the sun went down.

The door slid open, and a blurry figure entered the room. ”Ah, you’re awake!” Her voice was unfamiliar, so she must’ve been the nurse. “Your friends have been waiting outside since you were brought in! I’ll go get them right now.”

The door slammed shut again and Tsukishima sighed. His head was still pounding, but his throat wasn’t as itchy as before. Weird, he thought.

He suddenly heard footsteps hurrying down the hall, and his door was slammed open once again. Standing in the doorway, panting, was Kageyama (Tsukishima thought it was weird. He expected Yamaguchi to be the first to come.) His hair was a mess, and he seemed to be tired. Tsukishima wondered if he was the only person that managed to stay awake since he passed out.

“Tsukishima,” Kageyama said, sounding relieved. His blue eyes seemed to light up when he saw that Tsukishima was, indeed, fine.

“Kageyama.”

It became awkwardly silent after that. Kageyama fidgeted at the door before finally deciding to sit at the chair at the side of the bed.

“The doctor told us,” Kageyama blurted out after a couple more moments passed. “About the flowers. Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Like you care,” Kei sneered. “You probably hate me because I put the minimum effort in everything, including volleyball. Not to mention, I'm also an asshole that picks on-”

“That's not true, dumbass,” Kageyama interrupted. “You do put effort in volleyball, you just deny it. And who cares if you're an asshole when it's mostly to the opposing teams.”

By this point, Kageyama was getting red and had successfully shocked Kei into silence. Kageyama fidgeted a bit before continuing on. “And besides, I-"

The door slid open and again and the team, minus the first years, came bowling through.

Right. Tsukishima almost forgot they were still here. Why did it take them so long to get here, he wondered.

“Ah, Kageyama was here the entire time,” Ennoshita said, sighing in relief. He then turned to Tsukishima. “How do you feel, Tsukishima?”

“Fine,” he replied curtly, feeling slightly overwhelmed by everyone’s stares.

“Next time, tell us if anything's wrong!” Tanaka smiled, giving Tsukishima a light punch on the shoulder.

“Yeah, Stingyshima, we’re a team!” Hinata cheered.

“That's right, that's right,” Nishinoya said, nodding.

Yamaguchi gave Kei a look of ‘I told you so’, making Kei internally sigh of defeat.

And then, there was Kageyama. Kageyama, the source of all of Kei’s problems, finally spoke up through all the noise Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Hinata were making. “We’ll definitely win Interhigh and go to nationals for you.”

Yamaguchi gave Kei another look before saying, “Right! So you just stay here and get better, Tsuki!”

“ALRIGHT!!! I'M FIRED UP! LET'S GO PRACTICE!” Tanaka shouted, running out of the room.

Nishinoya, making various Nishinoya noises, and Hinata, also making various Hinata noises, chased after him.

“Wait, guys! It's 2AM!” And off went Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita.

Yamaguchi smiled brightly at the two. “I'll leave you two alone.” That's all he said before slipping out as well.

Oh. Oh. It suddenly made sense why the team took so long to get here. But what does that mean for Kageyama? Tsukishima turned to Kageyama, about to ask, when all of a sudden, Kageyama’s face was very close and he felt something warm on his lips. As quickly as it started, it was over, and Kageyama was long gone, leaving a blushing Tsukishima alone in the room. And as he sat there, mulling over what just happened, he realized that he didn’t have an urge to cough anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, okay, I'm proud of myself for finishing this in 3 days. I forgot to mention so many freaking things, I'm kinda sad. For one, the title doesn't really make sense cuz you people probably don't know what a purple heather means lol. It means "beautiful solitude," so that's where I got the title from. Two, I just wanted to point out that Kageyama only likes Hinata as a friend and that he's biased towards him because he can keep up with Kageyama.  
> This is my first fanfic, so it ain't that great. Reviews and kudos are appreciated.  
> -Fae


End file.
